


The Bloody Secret

by psc07



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Soulmates, jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24030709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psc07/pseuds/psc07
Summary: Because as much as she had told her parents that her finding a soul mate would be very unlikely, she knew she had stumbled upon hers during her second year.She knew it the moment the jinx got his arm, slitting the skin open and pouring that hazel, golden-greenish tone that matched hers with perfection.She knew James Potter was her soul mate, and she hated it.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	The Bloody Secret

Lily knew this would happen someday. Not from day one, no. But she knew with all of her heart this would happen eventually.

Perhaps the first time she considered something like that might happen was sometime around second year, although she adamantly refused to acknowledge the fact.

There was no such thing on the Muggle community as multicoloured blood; she grew up with the fact that blood was red and that was it. The only change in colour would be a bright, vivid red, were the sample from arterial blood; or a deeper shade of red, if taken from a vein.

She always had had to hide whenever she got injured on her childhood – she knew there was something different about her blood, because it was neither shade of red her science teacher had mentioned before.

She got really good at hiding it. Her parents, for once, only found out when Lily accidently cut herself at home while working on a potion. Her parents had been on the room, so she sat them down and explained.

Lily told them how, in the magical world, people’s blood had different colours and shades. Not one blood was like the other – with one exception.

“Soulmates?” Her incredulous father had asked. “You want us to believe there’s such a thing as soulmates?”

“Well, you’ve accepted pretty well me being a witch, so maybe?”

The compelling argument was very mature for a twelve-year-old girl, and her parents absorbed the information as true.

Not always soul mates were found. In fact, it was a rarity. To find their real soul mate, one would have to see the other bleed, or one would badly need the muggle-inspired technique of blood transfusion, with their blood colour being shared widely – because one could only receive the blood of the exact same shade.

All in all, Lily tranquilized her parents saying that the chances of that ever happening to her were slim, and that she only had to be even more cautious around muggles.

The fact she spent most of her infancy hiding her coloured blood meant she took extra care not to get hurt, and took the habit with herself to Hogwarts, where blood was a technicolour feast and cuts were easily healed with a spell.

As that is, no one at school knew the colour of her blood. It was _her_ secret, and she had decided to keep it to herself.

Because as much as she had told her parents that her finding a soul mate would be very unlikely, she knew she had stumbled upon hers during her second year.

She knew it the moment the jinx got his arm, slitting the skin open and pouring that hazel, golden-greenish tone that matched hers with perfection.

She knew James Potter was her soul mate, and she hated it.

Lily hated it because she might as well hate the boy himself. He was immature, cocky and extremely conceited.

He also took it as a personal challenge to aggravate her as much as he could – and worst of all, sometimes he managed to without even trying.

Despite being the Quidditch star, Potter was also incredibly prone to trip. He could fall on his face having tripped on a completely regular floor. It was almost a talent.

He also adored to get into fights and duels, and lots of them ended up with him showing his rich hazel blood for the whole world to see, no shame whatsoever in divulging what, for Lily, was a huge hush-hush.

And it only served to stimulate Lily into hiding hers even more. Her real relationship with Potter was cold at best.

It started as an undeclared feud with Lily’s best mate, Severus Snape. He had been the one to tell Lily about the Wizarding World.

He had forgotten to mention the “soul mates” thing.

“Is it true?” Lily had asked Severus the very same day she first saw Potter bleed. “That whole thing about soul mates?”

She knew it could be true; it wasn’t like a Hogwarts rumour.

Severus had shrugged.

“Could be. Even if it is, I doubt it’s all that common, tho. Sounds more like a story told to teenage girls to make them act silly.”

Lily had considered his reply, albeit good, a bit bitter.

Mary MacDonald, a fellow Gryffindor and muggle-born, dreamily said she wanted more than anything to find a soulmate.

Sirius Black, Potter’s best friend, considered the thing plain rubbish, and wasn’t afraid to say so. Not surprisingly, Peter Pettigrew, the boys’ shadow, repeated Black’s speech.

The more sensible of the Gryffindor boys on her year, Remus Lupin, believed it could happen – it was, after all, a magical world.

Lily hadn’t had the interest on asking Potter what he thought on second year, and after seeing their matching colours, she couldn’t find the nerves to do so.

However, on their first winter day spent at Hogsmead, Severus and Lily had agreed to meet up for a drink on the Three Broomsticks. Unfortunately, the only available booth was just the one beside James Potter and his crew.

“Aw, would you look at that?” Potter said, elbowing Black on the ribs. “Snape and Evans are going on a date! Way to go, Snivellus!” Potter mocked. Black and Pettigrew laughed as Lily rolled her eyes.

“Better than y-” Severus started to say, but Lily interrupted him.

“Just leave it, Sev. You know replying to their blabbering only gets them to talk more, and we wouldn’t want that.”

Lily felt Potter’s gaze on her, a bit inquisitive, she supposed from her peripheral vision.

“Reckon they’re soul mates, Prongs?” Black asked, raising an eyebrow. “I expected better from you, Evans!”

“You don’t even believe that, Black.” Lily replied, seemingly forgotten of her own (rather brilliant, in all honesty) advice. “So just shut up and go back to your stupid mates, yeah?” She looked at Remus. “This does not include you, Rem.”

“I may be a bit sceptic, yes, but what do I know? Just that my blood ain’t red. What you think, Prongs? Believe on that?”

“Course. My parents’ match.” Potter shrugged, and Lily looked at her plate immediately. No, this could not be happening... “I just hope I’ll find my brown-green blooded girl.” He finished with a forced sign.

“It’s hazel,” Lily said, making everyone look at her with inquiry on their eyes, “brown-green is also known as hazel. That’s what I mean.” She blurted quickly, successfully covering. “C’mon, Sev. I’d rather stand than sit next to these buffoons.”

Lily was actually afraid of Remus’s very interested stare; she knew he could get something out of her.

It showed to be a rational decision, as he did ask about her odd behaviour. Have been prepared, she made an excuse that she would use for a long time.

“I get a bit dizzy when I see blood, Rem,” she justified, “and I remembered the last time we saw Potter’s hazel blood. Didn’t want to reminisce on that.”

Remus shuddered; it had been a lot of blood since Potter had managed to hit the top of his head and caused quite some blood to spill.

And the thing was: how could she and him be soul mates when they detested each other?

Truth be told, the sentiment was stronger coming from her, but he wasn’t exactly fond of Lily either.

How else would one explain the endless teasing from him? Like that time when he dipped her ponytail on an inkpot? Would a soulmate really do that?

So Lily moved on with her task to hide her blood and ignore Potter as much as possible.

The first one was easy enough. The second, on the other hand...

Potter didn’t appreciate being ignored. He liked to be seen and noticed. He was the Quidditch star and started to make some success with the ladies, although he didn’t actually go out with them.

It was also hard to ignore his pranks, considering many of them involved either innocent children or her friend Severus. So she yelled, and he yelled back sporting a rather large smirk.

It got worse as Lily was named prefect and she was in charge of punishing rule-breakers such as Potter. He seemed to find it a joke and a fun challenge to see just when Lily would break.

It helped nothing when Potter asked her out like they didn’t spend so long hollering at each other – she could only imagine (and hope) it was all part of his mission.

Fifth year brought along another complication: the first person who got to see _her_ blood.

It was a sunny afternoon, and Lily was outside with Severus. They agreed to study together for the DADA OWL the following day, considering both were rather good on the subject and they had been a bit on the rocks lately, but the day was much too beautiful for Lily to ignore.

“We know all of this already, Sev!” She exclaimed as she got up and threw her book down. “We could take the exam, like, _right now_!”

“I know, but I like to be extra prepared,” he replied, to which Lily rolled her eyes.

“You’re _hyper_ prepared, Sev! You could do the practical walking backwards with your eyes closed!”

For emphasis, Lily closed her eyes and started walking backwards. She didn’t notice the tree branch in which she tripped.

A small yelp and she was on the floor, not crying as Severus first assumed, but laughing.

“Are you alright, Lily?” He asked, his voice full of concern. Lily giggled.

“Completely fine, it was nothing!” She said, little laughs still erupting. Severus, however, frowned and then his worried face turned into a furious one. “Sev, what-?”

“You said you hated him.” He accused her. Lily stopped laughing.

“Who?” She asked in confusion.

“Potter. You told me you didn’t like him at all.”

“I did, and I don’t like the ponce. Why are you...?”

Just about then she felt the blood dripping on her arm and she understood that he had made the colour connection.

“Sev, wait...!”

But he had already gotten up and left, fury on each of his step. With a sigh, Lily closed the cut on her upper arm and cleaned herself, pondering that it would be best to let Severus cool down a bit and then confront him, explain to him that the blood meant nothing to her, and that Potter was still a moron to her.

However, she hadn’t the chance, for the next day was the day in which her friendship with Severus finished forever.

The taunts Potter threw at Severus, the sight of the hazel blood dripping from Potter’s cheek rubbing salt on the wound that was now her and Severus, and the moment he said the words that would never be taken away.

He tried to apologise to her, but she was having none of it. Who did he think he was?

“I was mad about... you know what,” Snape said, “I wasn’t thinking straight, it slipped out...” he tried, but Lily only rolled her eyes.

“Of course it slipped. You’re always so careful around me, aren’t you? Afraid it slips. That’s what you think of people like me, Sev, why should I expect any different?”

“Lil, forgive me, please! I’ll even forget the whole blood business, if you don’t go out with him!”

Lily huffed and turned around, leaving without even a goodbye.

The nerve of him! As if Lily had asked for this! As if she had _wanted_ to be connected to Potter in any sort of way!

_This_ she told Potter when he went to find her the morning after the disaster.

“Leave me alone,” she said. Potter sighed.

“Listen, Evans, I’m sorry it happened, ok?”

Lily snorted.

“You’re _sorry_? That’s new.”

“Not for the whole debacle with Snape. But for him calling you _that_. And you losing a mate, even a shitty one like him.”

Lily rolled her eyes.

“What do you want?”

“Just to...” Potter sighed, “I don’t know. Just say what I said.”

“That you’re proud to be an arsehole and that my best mate of 7 years is shitty?”

To his credit, Potter winced.

“I’m bad with words.”

“ _That’s_ not new.”

“I, er... alright, then. I’ll leave you be. Sorry again.”

And he did leave her be. She spent the whole summer not hearing a single thing from him. She had half-expected for him to write to him, like he had done the previous summer.

But he did as she asked.

Summer wasn’t that great. Petunia was more insufferable than usual, she didn’t want to see Severus at all, and Mary was travelling and couldn’t write that much.

Remus was the highlight. They wrote each other multiple times, and even met up a couple times on the Diagon Alley. One of these times she saw Potter, and nodded back as he waved at her with a small smile.

September arrived and with it a surprisingly calm month for the prefects. Lily would be lying if she said she didn’t know the exact reason, because it was clear for all of second year and up: the Marauders had been less active.

Of course they hadn’t stopped altogether. They had just calmed down a bit: less pranks, less fights, less detentions. Sometimes they pranked each other (Lily swore she peed herself a little when Potter charmed Black to only talk in Danish and not a single person on the castle could understand him, and the more angry and frustrated Black became, stronger the accent), and really, it would be sort of stupid to expect Potter and Black to not get into fights with Slytherins.

“Okay, spill it, Black,” Lily said on the corridor on the way back to Gryffindor Tower on Hallowe’en when absolutely nothing jumped out of the pumpkins on the Great Hall, “what’s going on with you?”

Black raised his eyebrows at Lily.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that the four of you are being awfully quiet and well-behaved. I’m wondering what’s going on. Something happened?” Lily asked. Sirius’s face went blank, before he stopped and Lily did the same.

“It was bound to happen sometime, don’t you think?” Black asked.

“What?”

“Us maturing. Or trying to, at least.” Black sighed. “Besides… there’re more important things to fight about, right?”

Lily frowned, then smiled a bit.

“I think so too,” Lily said, and then grinned, “I’m still waiting for you next Thursday on the Trophy Room for last night’s late meeting with that Ravenclaw.”

“Damn. I thought laying low tonight would make you forget me.”

Lily chuckled.

“Not so fast, Mr. Black. Now keep your way to your Common Room. I’ve got some rounds to do.”

A couple of weeks after that Lily got to truly understand some of the changing that had made the Marauders see the more important things to fight about.

She was walking back from a late Potions session near Christmas when she bumped into some Slytherins. She didn’t like to cast prejudice like this – Slytherins are bad, Gryffindors are good – but _these_ Slytherins were absolutely bad news for her.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the little mudblood.”

Lily took a deep breath. She knew she shouldn’t try to defy them. Three on one were _not_ good odds for her.

She continued walking, until she felt a hand grand her wrist.

“I’m talking to you, scum,” Avery hissed near her ear, “show some respect for those who deserve respect.”

She _knew_ she should say nothing, but a smart retort was already on her lips.

The only thing that stopped her was the arrival of a new companion.

“Really, Avery, three on one and holding her down isn’t the most respectful thing to do, don’t you think?” Sirius Black said. “Let go of her.”

“Oh, would you look at that, Mulciber?” Avery mocked, “A blood-traitor defending his little mudblood friend…” Avery and Mulciber laughed, “what a sad excuse for a brother you’ve got, Regulus. I’d kick him out too.”

Lily saw Sirius’s face blank and then colour again, while he reached for his wand.

“I actually left. Didn’t want to get intoxicated with the stupidity. Now, let go of her.”

Sirius’s wand was raised, and so were the wands of the Slytherins. Lily couldn’t reach for hers without getting Avery’s attention on her.

“Just let go of her, and go live your pathetic life of _trying_ to appease a lunatic and only failing to be noticed because of my little brother.”

_Bam!_ Avery pushed Lily hard against the cold stone wall in a fit of anger for Sirius’s taunts. Her head was _pounding, pounding and pounding_ , but she couldn’t let Sirius alone, so she ignored the pain and focused on sending spells to get her and Sirius out of there.

Eventually there was a breech, and Sirius pulled her by the arm and they ran for their lives; Lily had no idea where they were going, but apparently, he did, so she just followed, each step being matched for a _pound, pound, pound_ on her head.

Breathless, Lily was grateful to see they had reached an abandoned classroom. With a sigh and much panting, she sat down on a chair.

“What the fuck, Evans?” She heard Sirius spat. Wincing, she turned and started to formulate her explanations for the confrontation, but suddenly she understood just _why_ her head was pounding so much.

“I…”

“How long?” Sirius demanded in a hiss. “How long have you known your blood is the same colour as his?”

Lily sighed. There was no reason hiding it anymore.

“Since I first saw him bleeding. In second year.”

“Sec… this was four years ago, Evans!” Sirius almost shouted. “Didn’t it ever occur to you that _maybe_ , just _maybe_ , this also concerns Prongs?”

“Of course it did!” Lily hissed back. “But it also concerns _me_ , and I wasn’t that fond of your friend! So it didn’t matter the fucking colour, if _every single time_ I saw him, my first instinct was to run the opposite direction.”

Sirius pursed his lips and glared at Lily, while the girl fixed the cut on her head.

“Don’t you think this might mean you should at least try to know James? You’re fucking soulmates, for crying out loud!” Sirius exclaimed.

“Look, the way I see it, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to let my blood dictate my life, Sirius,” Lily explained more calmly, “do you honestly believe that if I come up to Potter right now and tell him we’re soulmates or whatever bullshit it is, it’d do any good? That we’d start a relationship and be happily ever after? Up until September I hated his guts!”

“Not anymore?”

“No. You see, I didn’t hate him for the pleasure of the feeling. I hated you all because you were a bunch of immature, inconsequent pricks. Since you’ve stopped that nonsense, why should I hate you?”

Sirius simply watched Lily.

“As you said yourself… there’re more important things to worry about right now. I can’t exactly afford to hate people who _don’t_ hate me… not if these people aren’t doing anything _wrong_ , I mean. You’re just being annoying, and this I can live with.”

They stayed in silence for a few moments before Sirius sighed.

“I ran away from home this summer. My family, as you’re probably aware, have different views regarding muggleborns, and I could only take so much after all these years.” Sirius said, reclining against a table. “One day, Regulus, who you had the pleasure of seeing a few moments ago, had been accepted on the Death Eaters, and instead of being worried, my parents were delighted. So I took my stuff and ran away. Somehow, Mrs. Potter had a room ready for me.”

Lily couldn’t do much about her eyebrows raising of their own accord in surprise. She didn’t know Sirius lived with the Potters.

“Yeah, Mrs. Potter’s told me that ever since the first summer James sets a room for me as soon as he gets home, so it’s ready in case I ever need. He’s a bloody brilliant mate, he is.”

Lily nodded, “this isn’t news for me,” she agreed. “Just… please, _please_ don’t tell him, alright? It doesn’t… it’ll do no good, for either of us.”

Sirius simply stared, then sighed and left her alone.

Lily was not sure he would keep his mouth shut, but for her surprise, James seemed as ignorant regarding their blood as ever.

Even more surprising was how James was behaving. He, of course, ended up hearing about Lily’s meeting with Avery, and _that_ he didn’t take lightly. Just a couple of days later the whispers about Avery being on the Hospital Wing started to spread – and turned out to be very true.

And that was it. He didn’t provoke the Slytherins into duels anymore. He could be seen helping younger students on his free time. He trained the team just as fiercely as he always had – but a bit more patient now.

The 1977 New Year’s Eve party they planned was brilliant. Good music, good food and drinks (the alcoholic ones only for those fifteen and up). Every Gryffindor was invited, and everyone had fun. They didn’t get _too_ drunk.

And when Lily got to the Common Room the next day, it was already cleaned.

Now the Marauders could be seen more joking amongst themselves than causing chaos and havoc on the school. It was peaceful – until the fight.

Lily noticed because Snape was worse than ever: who looked angrier, and he disappeared whenever he saw any of the Marauders. Not surprisingly, she assumed they had done some prank on him.

“It… hm, it _was_ a prank,” Remus explained when she asked him, “but it was a one-man job that could’ve done real harm. And it fortunately wasn’t successful.”

The ‘one-man’ was clearly Black. For the first time in years, she saw him sitting alone on the Gryffindor table. And, weirdly, she felt herself walking to him.

“Don’t need your pity,” he said as she sat down. Lily raised her eyebrows.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied calmly, serving herself.

“You obviously know what happened,” Black grumbled, “no need to pretend you’re just feeling sorry because I’m alone. They’re right. I fucked up.”

“I only heard about a one-man-plan that went wrong,” Lily confessed, “and I don’t think they’re right to abandon you like this.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, right.”

Lily shrugged and continued to eat in silence. Black did the same, occasionally looking at her.

She could also feel James’s eyes on them.

“Ok, that’s enough,” he said with a sigh, “leave, you’re making him eat himself up.”

“I don’t care. If he’s got something to say, let him come.”

Sirius sighed again and got up.

“Come on.”

Weirdly, Lily followed him. After he helped her with Avery, she trusted him a bit more. When they were in a secluded corner alone, he told her what had happened: how he lost his mind because Snape taunted him about Regulus, how he got fed up with Snape prying on them, and how a drunk suggestion lead to an almost murder.

His self-loath was clear on his voice.

“So, yes, they’re right. Stop feeling bad about me. I fucked up,” he finished.

Lily sighed.

“Yes, you fucked up. Too bad. They’re your bloody friends, tho. The four of you are a unit. They should punch you in the face, and then move one. This is the Marauders. Not shoving you away because of that. Potter did save him, didn’t him? So…”

He disagreed, but Lily didn’t give up. She made him company and helped him study. A whole month passed like that (Potter’s birthday included), and yet they showed no sign of forgiveness.

Lily couldn’t take it anymore.

“Potter,” she greeted, sitting beside him on the empty Common Room. He looked up confused, then frowned.

“No idea where your _friend_ is, Evans,” he answered coldly.

“Well, I wanted to talk to you,” she said. Potter looked at her.

“What?”

“This has got to _stop_ ,” she announced, “this feud. It’s been long enough. He’s your _best mate_. Enough is enough.”

“He’s not my best-”

“He _is_. And you’re both miserable.”

Potter sighed.

“You don’t know what he’s done, Evans.”

“I do know. He’s told me. Everything. And yet, I feel that you all should at least _talk_ and try to solve it. Or are you letting him homeless this summer?”

He looked at her sporting a particularly big frown.

“Are you two together or something?” he asked, and Lily snorted.

“No. I’m just trying to be a good human _being_ , as should you. And if I can come here and calmly talk to you after everything that’s happened between the two of us, then you should at least listen to your best mate.”

Not a week later saw Sirius back with the Marauders, albeit calmer and still wearing a guilty expression (that he got rid of the next month).

However, he didn’t forget what Lily did for him, and they became friends. In the summer, he was the first one she told about being Head Girl, and he was the one to give her heads up about her partner.

He also managed to keep her secret, and she had no way to thank him enough for it.

She expected it to be weird at first with James. Although she was friends with Sirius and Remus, she avoided all that contact with Potter. It wasn’t all that hard – he gave her a wide berth on the rest of sixth year, not even bothering to ask her out like he had on the previous couple of years.

She was a bit nervous when she made her way to the Prefect’s cart. Potter was there already, fussing with some papers. Remus sat beside him, talking quietly but wearing a smirk.

“Good morning,” she greeted and closed the door. Both boys looked up, “nice to see you’re already here, Potter. Maybe we could go over some things?”

Potter stuttered something, but eventually agreed. Lily took her place next to him, spreading her own papers. With Remus’s help, they managed to mock a rounds schedule even before the prefects arrived for the meeting.

Lily had been extremely grateful for Sirius warning her about her partner, but was surprised nonetheless when the meeting ran smoothly. Some people eyed Potter suspiciously, but he didn’t seem to mind it.

“Well, I think this year will be great,” she finished up with a slight glance at her partner, “tonight’s and tomorrow’s rounds are mine and Potter’s, as usual, and we’ll post the rest of this month’s schedule and you’ll have until tomorrow to ask for changes and such. Any volunteers for the train patrols?”

Some fifth years volunteered quickly, eager to show work as Lily knew they would do. Slowly the cart emptied, and Lily was left with Potter – Remus had followed the other prefects.

“Uh, that went well,” Potter said, filling the silence while Lily gathered the papers. She nodded.

“Very well. Guess the rest of the year will follow. We shan’t have a problem.”

Lily looked up and saw him frowning at her direction.

“Aren’t you upset or something?” He asked.

“Why would I be?” Was how she chose to reply. “You haven’t done anything particularly stupid in a very, very long time, when you apply to something, you work very hard for it, and today you’ve shown that you’re trying.”

“But what about… hating me or something?” He asked. Potter seemed to be a bit dumbstruck – as if he couldn’t believe she wasn’t mad at his nomination or something. Lily sighed.

“As I’ve once told Sirius, I can’t afford to hate people who don’t hate me,” she said with a sad smile, “and well… you’ve got a few faults, but can you imagine if my partner had been a blood supremacist?” Both of them were thinking the name ( _Snape_ ), but neither dared to speak it out loud. “I think we’re gonna work this thing pretty nicely. Now, is Sirius in your compartment? I’d like to say hello.”

He nodded, now speechless, and directed her to his compartment, where Sirius jumped up and hugged her tightly, assuring her he had made Potter promise to behave that year. Lily grinned and told him she was convinced her partner would be nice.

She had decided not to doubt Potter before they started the partnership. She always chose to believe on the best of people, and that in Potter’s case would be loyalty (almost to a fault), dedication, and a heart on the right place. She knew those qualities could be very beneficial.

As the year passed, she realised she had been correct. Potter showed incredible dedication to his job, while simultaneously captaining Gryffindor Quidditch team and maintaining good grades. On a few occasions she had to cut him a slack: an emergency practice or other and the full moons sometimes let her a few more reports to write than usual.

He didn’t shy away from tutoring younger students, he minimized his havoc (or at least being discovered doing it, which he told her was almost the same thing for outsiders), he only fought back, he proved everyone who had doubted him wrong.

And although he joked and grinned quite a bit, he also stopped asking her out.

On the Hallowe’en party, he was seen flirting shamelessly with Dorcas Meadows, a sixth year. Lily, like everyone else, looked at scene curiously. Sirius was at her side that moment.

“Like, it really doesn’t bother you knowing he’s your _bloody_ soulmate and he’s trying to get another bird?” He asked quietly. Lily smiled.

“It truly doesn’t.”

“It doesn’t give you a feeling of regret or something that you didn’t accept him asking you out on the past?” He tried again. Lily rolled her eyes and stared at Sirius’s storm-blue eyes.

“No. Not even if he had actually _meant_ it,” she replied, downing her Butterbeer. Sirius frowned considerably.

“What?”

“What?”

“What’s that rubbish about ‘if he meant it’?” Sirius asked, crossing his arms.

“What’s not rubbish about it?”

“You mean… you actually thought– you actually _think_ he never meant when he asked out?”

Lily froze. What in the world…? Sirius laughed.

“I _mean_ no, I never thought he really wanted to go out with the girl he enjoyed hollering to so much,” Lily clarified. Sirius shook his head in disbelief, and had Lily been another girl she would have swoon (well, maybe she did swoon a bit).

“Your fucking blood wasn’t a clue that he might fancy you quite a bit?” He asked. It was amazing how he seemed to be amused and completely shocked at the same time.

“Well, _no_! I mean, it wasn’t… it didn’t change anything for me. It doesn’t,” she insisted. Sirius apparently recovered from his amusement, but still wore a smirk.

“I’m just pitying Prongs. It’s hilarious. He’ll _freak_ when I tell him…”

“Why would you even tell him?” Lily asked with a sigh. “It’s in the past, he’ll feel…”

“Stupid?” Sirius helped.

“Well, you said it, not me. But yeah. Also, it doesn’t even matter anymore…” she added, pointing to the corner where Potter’s hand disappeared on Dorcas’s hair in a very intimate kiss, “what good would it do? Just for the pleasure of seeing him squirm and making heads duties awkward?”

Sirius stared at his best mate snogging Dorcas and sighed.

“I don’t like keeping things from him, Evans,” he admitted.

Even with that warning, Sirius must have kept mum, for nothing got awkward between Lily and Potter. In truth, she was enjoying working with him: he was funny and relaxed, which was very welcome whenever Lily seriously contemplated the stated of the world outside.

Being friends with his mates meant she got to hang out with the four boys more than she anticipated. He invited them to be near while they read reports and had to do boring head work. Remus would occasionally help while Sirius and Peter tried to distract the heads as much as possible.

He also flirted endlessly with her, but that was just James Potter for you.

One cold night in December found the five of them on the common room at midnight, Lily and James with a pile of detentions reports: the third years had made a huge bet that involved all of the houses to see which one could paint more armours. They hadn’t expected it to be Lily and James on that night – he noticed pretty quickly what was going on and using that ridiculous map, managed to get all of the offenders.

“I just think you’re being too hard on the lads,” Sirius said when he heard the third years were getting detentions.

“Sirius, they painted the armours. Like, almost all of them. With real paint,” Lily said, “Filch was _nuts_. We’re just making them clean some stuff.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” James added, “it seemed _really_ fun, but they got caught. That’ll teach them to be sneakier.”

Lily glared at him, launching a parchment ball on him.

“Or it might teach them to _not_ repeat it?” She suggested. James shrugged with a smirk.

“Not bloody likely, but I appreciate your optimism, Evans,” Sirius complimented.

“Well, someone needs to balance your cynicism, right?”

Sirius nodded with a grin. They went a bit quieter – Sirius and Peter engaged on chess, while Remus read the paper. He frowned slightly.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“Just the blood announcement section,” Remus said, “it fills the whole page now.”

Lily paused her writing for a few seconds and resumed quietly.

“Anyone we can help?” James asked eagerly.

“Not really,” Remus said, looking over the paper, “I mean, I don’t think so… Lily?”

She felt Sirius’s gaze on her, and she cleared her throat.

“Let me see it,” she replied, getting up and watching the page Remus held. She scanned it attentively, before adding, “yeah, me neither.”

She felt James’s eyes on her as she sat down and began writing again, ignoring the attention.

“Y’know, Evans,” he started slowly, dropping his quill to look at her, “you’re the only one of this group whose colour we don’t know.”

Lily raised her eyebrows.

“Not my fault if I don’t fall or get into fights like you lot,” she scoffed.

“Have you already found your soulmate, then?” Peter asked, and Lily blushed.

“It’s not like that, Pete,” she told him, “I just haven’t bled in front of you.”

“What’s the colour, then?” James asked, narrowing his eyes, “I swear, if it’s that weird dark green, I will kick you out,” he warned her.

“It’s not. My soulmate isn’t _Snape_ ,” she spat, shivering.

“Then what’s the colour?” He insisted.

“That’s _private_ , you arse. I don’t have to tell you that,” she replied.

“Well, just so you know, I’ll forever think your soulmate is Snape,” he told her. Lily rolled her eyes.

“You won’t. If you really thought that, you _would_ kick me out anyway,” she considered.

“I hope you don’t break the _trust_ we put on here,” James advised, “my, what was that, _hazel_ blood, wasn’t it? Sirius’s blueish, Peter’s weird dark brown, and Remus’s bright _pink_. We’re all counting on you to not be dark green, Evans.”

Lily rolled her eyes.

“You don’t have to worry a bit regarding this. _And_ if you try to make me bleed on purpose I _will_ murder you,” she added happily.

“Nah, you won’t. What about that rubbish about not hating who doesn’t hate you?” James smirked.

“I can forget it for a couple moments. I wouldn’t need much more than that. You’ve been warned.”

James was still smiling despite the threat.

Being James Potter, however, he didn’t let it drop completely. Once or twice a week he would pester her about it, always with the same result: a resounding bugger off.

To her surprise, it didn’t make her hate him more. On the contraire: she found herself appreciating more and more James Potter.

Not the aforementioned responsibilities and big gestures – the small things.

When she fell asleep on the common room with rounds sheets on one Friday night, she woke up with a pillow and a blanket, the sheets finished, and a little smiley face drawn on the end.

When she got stuck with tutoring a first year and missed dinner, he brought her three sandwiches and a bottle of pumpkin juice.

When she forgot her cloak on a cold December round, he didn’t think for more than two seconds before offering her his own.

When she had to study for a particularly hard Runes test, he suggested they stayed on the Room of Requirements and used the map for a more directed patrolling.

The little chocolate cupcake on the nightstand that greeted her on her birthday.

Every time something like that happened, Lily would blink quickly and smile widely, ignoring Sirius’s stares – because Sirius had completely given up on convincing her to tell James about the hazel blood thing.

James, although still asking her about her blood colour and flirting every chance he got, seemed to be pretty much over Lily. The first Hogsmead weekend of 1978 had him going on a date with a seventh year Hufflepuff while Lily joined the rest of the Marauders on a group outing.

When they ran into James and his date, Sirius sang innocently on Lily’s ear, ‘you could end this very quickly…”, to which she replied with a jab on his stomach.

When Lily came back fuming after a shouting match with Snape of all people about name calling and such, James smirked and sat her down on the common room sofa, while Sirius occupied the other side.

“It’s alright, Evans,” James said, “it sucks, but it’s not the _worst_ thing. You know what would be the _worst_ thing in the world?”

“What?” She bit back.

“If you were his soulmate,” he replied still patting her shoulder, “just imagine, having to see the dark green every time you hurt yourself and having to know that your soulmate is ninety percent a grease ball.”

Lily snorted.

“Will you quit about it, madman?” She asked. “I’ve already told you it’s not him.”

“Not him?” James asked, frowning. “So it’s _someone_?”

Lily sighed.

“Why should it matter?”

James eyed her with wide eyes.

“Why? Because, well… because it’s your _soulmate_. The person you’re supposed to… to love and to spend your whole life with!” James stuttered. “It’s…it’s the person you’re meant to be with forever!”

Lily eyed him critically.

“Well, and should we _let_ this rule our lives?” She pondered. “Like, just imagine you’ve got a crush on a girl…” James raised his eyebrows, “or that you’re… I don’t know, dating someone or something like that. If you happen to know that someone out there’s got the same colour as you, what are you gonna do?”

She felt James’s glance at her speculatively, while Sirius was more on the suspicious side.

“Moreover, if it happens to be someone you barely know, or someone you positively _hate_ , what then? You throw all of your… your feelings and plans and _life_ away, just because some stupid ancient rule tells you to? I _refuse_ to do so.”

She breathed heavily and grabbed the chocolate frog she had stuffed on her robes pocket previously, taking a big bite while she felt the blood colouring her face.

“Well, you _might_ have a point,” James conceded, “but to me…” he smirked, “it sounds like you’re getting too much on the defensive side. Green blood much?”

Lily looked ready to pounce him, and James laughed.

“Kidding, Evans. I get your thinking. It’s a good one. I probably would at least me tempted to get to know the person better, tho. My parents fell in love before knowing about the blood, but… well… they _still_ are very much sickening in love. So I’d be tempted. But no, I wouldn’t let it rule my life.”

Lily smiled a bit, but her reaction was cut by a snort from Sirius.

“I know _you_ , Prongs. You’d throw yourself on your knees and beg for a date,” Sirius snickered. James ran his hand through his hair.

“Well, not if I was already in love with somebody else, I wouldn’t.”

Lily turned to Sirius, hiding her pointed look from James, but Sirius was eying his best mate.

James stopped asking about her colour, but sometimes teased her about already having a soulmate.

He didn’t _seem_ to be in love with the Hufflepuff girl, but they did date for a few months. She gave him a Quidditch jersey for his birthday, and he grinned so widely at that it made Lily smile a bit herself.

Lily’s gift was a bit less extravagant: he always complained about Sirius’s snores, so Lily managed to charm a headphone for him that played the Wizarding radio, erasing the noise.

A couple of weeks after his birthday, he broke up with her.

He didn’t go to more dates. Lily once asked him why, and he just shrugged, saying he just wasn’t feeling like doing this route.

He also didn’t ask her out anymore, she didn’t fail to notice.

And only when they briefly hugged goodbye on the platform after seventh year ended, she realised that Sirius ( _bloody Sirius!_ ) _might_ have been right about telling James. Or giving the boy a chance.

Lily didn’t dwell on it for long; she had to arrange an apartment quickly for the Auror training. She wouldn’t subject her parents to the danger of living with a muggle-born on this war, and training was exhausting, so she should live at least near the Ministry.

Through Sirius, she learnt he and James weren’t planning on receiving formal education: they would simply join the Order of the Phoenix. The chief of Aurors didn’t seem too keen on letting her star fighting right away – he wanted to make sure she could lead the missions.

In the meantime, he allowed her to participate on the monthly meetings and provide potions for the Order. She tried to stay away from James and to not be teased by Sirius, even when the former actively looked out for her.

“What good is there in being an Auror if you can’t _come with us_ on missions?” Sirius would ask. Lily’s reply was always a sigh.

“When Moody feels like I can handle not being killed, he’ll let me go.”

“I bet you’re more prepared than Peter, and he goes on missions all the time,” Sirius said.

“I know. But Moody can’t afford to lose Aurors,” Lily justified, “not when we’re already so _down_. So he made a deal with Dumbledore, and I’ll be going out soon.”

“I’ll be sure to be paired with you when this happens,” he guaranteed.

Lily was okay with the thought – she trusted Sirius more than most people.

She was happy to see that Dumbledore conceded the wish after the ten months Moody made her wait. Sirius was her first partner on an official Order mission.

“Evans!” James greeted her on the strategy meeting. “I thought you’d left the Order! We barely see you.”

She smiled and explained once more about Moody’s previous concerns, ignoring her galloping heart.

It was really too bad to still have a crush on her soulmate.

“Well, it’s good to see you, anyway. Please don’t let Sirius get killed,” James asked with a grin. Sirius made a face.

“Don’t you have a date or something?” Sirius reminded him. James chuckled and shrugged.

Lily’s smile was a bit forced at that point.

Their first mission went smoothly – and she soon realised she would need to request Sirius to be her partner always. Small cuts showered her, and it was impossible to hide the hazel even in the dark.

Sirius didn’t mind at all – they worked well together.

He still thought she should tell James.

“You said it yourself,” Lily disagreed with him on one of their missions, “he’s _happy_. D’you want to confound him? He’s happy without the knowledge.”

“Yeah, but who knows if he wouldn’t be even _happier_?”

Lily glared at him.

“I do. _Don’t_ tell him. Not even if I’m dying.”

Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I’m not gonna let you _die_ , Evans.”

Sirius had quite some trouble keeping that promise – a very bad tip found the both of them on an ambush. Five on two were terrible odds always, but one of them seemed to know a pretty bad curse.

They managed to escape, but Sirius ran straight to St. Mungo’s with Lily.

She wasn’t paying a lot of attention. Even she had tried to, she wouldn’t have been able to. She was dizzy, she had no idea where she was.

“ _It looks like it’s that new curse_ ,” she heard someone from the staff say, “ _we need to use a blood replenishing potion. Does she have a soulmate?_ ”

“No,” Lily grumbled. Sirius glared at her. “I don’t. The potion, please.”

Lily had a headache when she woke up. Sirius was sitting on an uncomfortable-looking chair on the corner of the room, reading a magazine. He looked up when he heard her moving.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he greeted her, “you’ve been out for less than a day. The potion seems to be working for now.”

Lily blinked.

“What are you doing here?” She asked instead. He scoffed.

“I’m your _bloody partner_. I need to be here. Anyway, mission successful. We destroyed the place. Moody’s been here and asked me to tell you off for nearly getting yourself killed.”

Lily snorted and sat up.

“I expected nothing less from him,” she admitted.

“He also scolded me, but I took it like a champ.”

Lily smiled at him, but didn’t dare to move more.

“Now,” he said, leaning into her direction, “when are we calling Prongs?”

Lily frowned and Sirius sighed.

“Lily,” he never called her ‘Lily’. “You need the blood.”

She shook her head vehemently.

“You said the potion’s working.”

“For now,” he reminded her. Lily closed her eyes.

“ _No_ , Sirius. No calling him. I don’t want this. You don’t have my authorisation to do so,” she told him, “I’ve got rights as a patient. Autonomy, ok? While I can make decisions for myself, I don’t want him to know.”

They glared at each other for what felt like a minute: him, trying to convince the stubborn bird that she wasn’t thinking straight; her, trying to make him follow her wish.

At last, he sighed.

“I cannot believe you’re willing to die for this, Evans,” he muttered. Lily shook her head.

“I’m not going to die. I’ll just take a few weeks to recover. I can take that. I _can’t_ have your best mate feeling the need to come here just because of all that rubbish.”

He eyed her incredulously.

“He wouldn’t-”

Sirius had his reply denied by the room’s door opening. James Potter had always had the worst (or best) timing of all. Lily gaped at him, then glared at Sirius.

“I said nothing!” Sirius raised both of his palms in a clear sign of innocence. James approached her bed quickly, his face pulled on a deep frown.

“I just got out of the meeting,” he explained quickly, “and Moody said what happened. Are you alright, Lily?”

Lily sighed and assured him that, yes, she was fine. A bit tired. And didn’t he have anything to do?

“Amanda can wait,” he told her quietly. Lily nodded in comprehension.

“You don’t have to make her wait just because of me, James,” she told him. His frown appeared again.

“It’s okay. She understands a friend is sick,” he guaranteed her, holding one of her hands.

They stared at each other’s eyes for an infinite amount of time, until Sirius cleared his throat.

“Good thing you’ve already got a soulmate, huh?” James joked. “Why haven’t they broadcasted her colour yet?”

“Not necessary,” Lily replied quickly, “the potion’s working.”

“Not quick enough, Evans,” Sirius added.

“Shut up, Black.”

James frowned again.

“Wait, I don’t get it. Moody said you needed it.”

“He’s overreacting, just like Sirius,” Lily assured him, “not worth all the trouble of… well, y’know how I feel about it.”

James’s lips twitched up.

“Wouldn’t want _Snape_ in here anyway,” he joked. Lily laughed just as another dose of the potion was offered to her.

In truth, she knew that accepting the blood would be better for her. But she couldn’t take herself to make James aware of their… peculiar situation. Amanda certainly wouldn’t be pleased either.

As the days went by, she felt the potion working less and less. She felt more tired, weaker. They were trying to get the countercurse, but it was hard.

She watched Sirius’s face gripping with worry day after day.

James wasn’t much better; he showed up almost as frequently as Sirius, and always trying to convince her that she should end the agony and call Snape soon.

“It’s _not_ him,” she said quietly, and this time James didn’t have the strength to fake a grin.

She didn’t have the strength to stay awake.

It had been a few days waking up feeling like utter rubbish, so she had gotten used to it. Regaining her consciousness _not_ feeling like a sack of tomatoes was weirdly new – and refreshing.

She wasn’t surprised to see James and Sirius talking quietly between them. She knew, somehow, they would be with her until she either died or was cured.

“You two gossip like old ladies,” she muttered. The boys looked at her, but she couldn’t decipher their expressions – a lot of relief, yes, but… “What happened?”

Neither of them spoke right away. Then Sirius got up and cleared his throat.

“I’d better go,” he announced. Lily looked at him with a frown, but James didn’t seem so surprised.

“What? Why?” She was utterly confused.

“Because I’d rather live to see tomorrow,” he justified, “and just so you know, you couldn’t _make_ decisions. So I made one.”

“What’s going on? Get back here!” Lily ordered, but Sirius simply waved as he closed the door. “What a _crap_ partner I’ve got! I’m demanding a new one. You go on and tell him he’s utter _shit_ , Potter.”

She expected him to at least crack a smile at this, but he simply stared at her, almost as confused as her – he looked like he was trying to resolve a puzzle. Lily felt like the puzzle.

“Why didn’t you just _ask_ me?” James inquired, approaching her. Lily felt her eyebrows shut up.

“Why neither of you make any _sense_?” She complained. James didn’t move.

“Lily. Why didn’t you ask me for a transfusion before? On the first day?” He demanded.

Lily felt her mouth falling open, and her heart accelerated. How? How had he known? Who…?

“I’m gonna murder that bloody fucker,” she hissed, realising what that weird comment about decisions meant.

James crossed his arms.

“Lily.”

She rolled her eyes and threw her arms in the air.

“Because you weren’t supposed to _know_ , James!” She exclaimed. “ _No one_ was supposed to know!”

“You were almost _dying_ , Lily! Of _course_ I was supposed to know! If there was _someone_ supposed to know, it was _me_!” He replied as forcefully. “You’d rather _die_? You’d rather _die_ than admitting we might be connected somehow?”

Lily bit her lip.

“I wasn’t going to _die_ ,” she said. James snorted loudly.

“You were very, very close, actually,” he disagreed, “we had to listen to them saying how they were very worried and that you could really use the broadcast. Then _Sirius_ comes up to me and say he’s got something to tell me, but I had to promise to be quiet about it.”

“Were you?” She asked. “Were you quiet about it?”

“Of bloody course _not_!” Lily didn’t remember seeing him this frustrated. “I hollered at him, and he just told me that you’d asked to keep a secret. I had to apologise to him later,” he added. “Amanda wasn’t so forgiving.

Lily sighed.

“It’s… you know my thoughts about it, okay? You know why I hadn’t told you before.”

“I know, but then you let it rule your life anyway, Lily, because in fear of what it might mean, you almost died in the process,” he told her warmly. Lily blushed at the intensity. “I understand you hiding it and not wanting to donate to me…”

“I would’ve,” she assured him. James looked up at her eyes. “I just didn’t want you to…I don’t know, make…decisions or whatever based on this…let your hero complex think you had to donate because of the…situation,” she clarified. He looked bewildered.

“Decisions? Situations? Really?” He got up again and let out a humourless chuckle. “I would’ve donated my _whole blood_ for you. Not for some fucking stupid _hero complex_ , but because I’ve been in love you since forever.”

“Oh.” Was all Lily could reply. She wasn’t able to take her eyes off of his – the ones that showed their link now known to both of them.

In love with her? Him?

“And I wouldn’t – I _won’t_ , I don’t know, follow you around or, or _chase_ you and never leave you alone,” he assured her forcefully, “I respect your choice, Lily. I know it doesn’t change things.”

Lily blinked and they smiled a bit – just a twitch up of her lips, one that James could’ve – _would’ve_ – missed it had him not watched her so, _so_ closely.

“Well, _Amanda_ wouldn’t be very fond of it,” Lily muttered. James snorted.

“There’s not Amanda anymore,” he admitted, “she was pissed when she heard. Sirius could’ve been a bit more graceful about it, I suppose.”

Lily let out a chuckle.

“Don’t be mad at him,” James pleaded, “he was trying to be useful. He should’ve told me before.”

Lily made a face of disagreement, but was saved from any promises by the door opening and bringing Sirius back.

“Oh, great. No one’s dead,” he grinned. Lily narrowed her eyes at him.

“No one’s dead _yet_ ,” she muttered. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I’ve got no regrets. You wouldn’t die on my watch,” he replied, “and it feels good not to hold this anymore. It’s been too fucking long since sixth yeah…”

Sirius’s chuckle quieted at James’s look.

“You’ve known this since _sixth year_?” James was incredulous, both hands up on his hair.

“I…er…”

“You didn’t _tell_ me?”

“She’s known it since _second year_!” Sirius cried, pointing to Lily. James’s surprised eyes turned to her immediately.

“Oh, that’s _nice_ , Sirius! Turn on the sick,” she complained while James managed to screech “ _second year_?!” on that frustrated tone of his.

“I…”

“C’mon, James. Imagine I come up to your glorious twelve-years-old self and tell him our blood match. What would happen?” She asked.

“Nothing short of him falling for you, I’m sure,” Sirius interrupted, “but hey, it happened nonetheless!”

Lily glared at Sirius while James flushed. She pretended not to find it endearing.

“You know what, I think I need to rest again. Sirius could you shut up for the rest of the day? James, you can talk.”

Lily closed her eyes through James’s chuckles and Sirius’s protests, but eventually fell asleep.

Not for long, she considered, for she felt someone holding her hand and two low voices filling her room.

She almost didn’t want to know who was closest, and she felt no guilt in pretending to still be out.

“I really tried, you know?” Sirius whispered.

“But…” so James was holding her hand.

“She made me promise, Prongs. I couldn’t.”

“I know…” James sighed. “I just wish I would’ve _known_.”

“There’s a reason she was so careful. She hated us, James. She knew how you’d see it. And she wasn’t wrong. What would’ve changed had you known?”

She couldn’t be certain, but she thought James might be staring at her.

“I don’t know.”

“You were already all the way in love with her, mate,” Sirius considered, “it’d just hurt you more. Knowing what we know now, but then.”

“I still can’t believe she would’ve _died_ before telling me.” James muttered sadly. Sirius sighed.

“She didn’t want to be controlled by it.”

“I wouldn’t…”

“She didn’t want _you_ to be controlled by it, either. Honestly, Prongs. You’d’ve asked her out the next day!”

James couldn’t deny it.

“Not _just_ because of it, tho. Never just because of it.”

“Well, you never did tell her how you felt,” Sirius argued, “and you were dating quite a bit these past couple of years. No wrong in that, mate. It’s just…it is what it is.”

Lily felt a thumb caressing her hand and had to make an extra effort to stay still.

“I need to fill the paperwork for this shit,” Sirius said, “I’ll be back later.”

“It’s alright. I’ll stay here.”

The last thing Lily felt before sleeping again was a feather-like kiss on her hand. Then she was out again.

According to the Mediwitch responsible for her case, James and Sirius had been closer to the truth than her – the blood _had_ saved her giving her an extra week that was the time needed to find the countercurse.

When she was released, Sirius refused to let her go back to her place alone. Moody had given her a week to take it easy, but as soon as she felt better, she told them both to shove it and restarted her life.

Her Auror colleagues grinned when saw her up and about, catching up quickly with the training and getting mad because _what the fuck happened to her cauldron_? The culprit, Benjy Fenwick, held her shoulders and solemnly guaranteed he would repair it all.

He _might’ve_ ended on the floor on that day’s practice.

The first Order meeting she attended after everything was filled by nervousness and butterflies. She hadn’t seen either James or Sirius in a whole week.

They were in a corner with Remus, laughing about something Peter was saying. When James saw Lily, he nodded like he usually did on those meetings.

Unlike she usually did on those meetings, she made her way over the boys.

“Good night,” she greeted with a smile. They all grinned at her.

“Not dead, I see,” Sirius said raising one of her arms.

“Not yet,” she agreed. Then she reached to her purse and brought four boxes the size of her hand, giving one to each.

“I thought it had changed nothing,” Sirius teased her.

“It doesn’t. Well, almost nothing,” she amended, looking to Remus and Peter, “thank you for covering for me this time. Sirius told me what you did. I’m very grateful.”

They raised their eyebrows and Peter didn’t spare ten seconds before groaning with Lily’s homemade cupcake.

“This,” she said to Sirius, “is for being a pain in the arse and blabbering. You _might_ have helped me.”

“Oh, shut it. If I hadn’t blabbered you’d be _dead_.”

Lily grinned then turned to James.

“ _This_ is for _actually_ saving my life and…” she cleared her throat and leaned in, “and for staying all that time on that room with me.”

James smiled at her and shrugged.

“I was just happy that it wasn’t Snape,” he muttered, and his grin told her that no, it hadn’t changed much.

Well, it had changed. Word had spread that she found a blood match, and Marlene McKinnon teased her endlessly about it. She rolled her eyes and endured it, tho. They didn’t seem to know who it was, and that she could handle.

It also changed on the sense that now she had company to have a drink after a particularly gruesome day: Peter was the boisterous drunk, and it made her laugh; but James was the supportive drunk, which made her _talk_ about it.

Up until that point, she didn’t feel lonely. She never had. But after only a couple of months with them she had no idea how to go on _without_ them anymore.

And hell, she hated to admit it, but things _had_ changed with James. On the sense that she couldn’t believe how long she had lied to herself about what she thought of him.

Sirius had caught up on that, and had no qualms about questioning her.

“It’s nothing,” she would reply with a smile.

“You’re making love eyes, Evans,” he argued. They were on a bar, and James was trying to get free drinks by flirting with the bartender. Lily was giggling at the sight.

“Am not!” She cried out.

“No, you actually are,” Remus input. Lily felt the rush of blood colouring her cheeks. “Sorry. You’re not very good at hiding.”

Lily pursed her lips in a tight line and Sirius groaned.

“You’re doing it again!” He exclaimed.

“What?” She asked and Sirius sighed.

“You’re so adamant about this not ruling you that you’re letting it rule you,” Sirius told her tiredly. “Forget about the blood for a couple of hours. Just see that _idiot_ up there. He’s trying to flirt with a bartender just because you managed to get free drinks. He’s got no idea how to flirt with blokes. And yet, look at him touching the man’s biceps.”

Lily giggled. He really was touching the bartender’s arm. The bartender was beyond confused.

“He hasn’t slept last night, and yet he’s here, because Fridays are Lily days,” Sirius continued, “just forget about that rubbish for a couple hours, and allow yourself to have _fun_ with the idiot.”

Lily gulped down her drink.

James came back with a huge grin and put another one on her hand. She accepted it as happily as he. She also accepted when he extended his hand inviting her to dance on the middle of the bar.

“You’re looking…carefree today,” he noted with an easy smile of his own. Lily shrugged as best as she could with her arms around his neck.

“Maybe,” she conceded grinning.

“I like it,” he added, “seeing you happy. I know we’ve got tons to worry about, but I love when you forget about it all for a few moments, and you let yourself have fun.” James explained. “Your smile light up your whole face and…”

Lily gulped. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the rest (she _desperately_ wanted to know the rest).

“And…?” She prompted. James flushed and she had to bite her lip to stop herself from giggling.

“And it makes me happy,” he finished.

They swung for a few moments in silence.

“You play a very big part on it, James,” she admitted quietly. “About me being happier now.”

The grin he showed in response visited her on dreams more than once.

It was easier to listen to Sirius than she had thought it would be: she wasn’t simply holding back anymore.

She didn’t shy away from James’s hug anymore, she sought them out. She felt safe on his arms, and she was tired to pretending otherwise.

She didn’t try to _not_ be alone with him anymore. They were her favourite moments, actually, when they didn’t care about anything but each other.

Sirius would always say that it was only a question of time, and Lily had to agree with him later. She just didn’t know how much time.

“Okay, you need to help me,” Lily told Sirius. He raised his eyebrows.

“I certainly don’t _need_ to, but I might,” he answered. Lily rolled her eyes.

“What can I give James for his birthday?” She asked. Sirius snorted.

“How about a _snog_?” He suggested. Lily hit his arm.

“C’mon, Black! Be serious!”

“Who’s joking?” He said. “Just come up to him and say you’ve got a surprise. He’ll love it. If you’re feeling _very_ generous, maybe a shag. He’d _die_.”

Lily groaned and rolled her eyes again.

Big fat help he had been.

Well, unless…

_No_. She wouldn’t give James a snog for his birthday.

She did get him a record player and a few LPs. It had been a _bitch_ to carry it to his apartment, where they were celebrating with the rest of the Marauders, but his face had been worth it.

By the end of the night she found herself on the couch, looking at the player. Peter and Sirius were out on the floor and Remus had long retired for his bed. The apartment the boys shared was large, and Lily knew it had some Potter inheritance somewhere.

“You know you’re gonna have to come back here to teach me how to use it, right?” James announced as he plopped himself on the seat next to her. Lily groaned.

“I _knew_ I should’ve gone with plan B,” she mourned. James flicked her shoulder and she chuckled, getting cozy next to him.

“What was plan B?” He asked, as he put his arm around her shoulders.

“It was a joke, James,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“You just wanted excuses to come here. I know that,” he replied, and Lily could sense some hesitation on him.

“What?”

“Sirius said I’d’ve liked his suggestion better,” he said eyeing her speculatively. Lily felt her face flushing.

“Sirius is also a jerk,” she told him.

“It just got me curious, that’s all,” James insisted, “and you blushing got me even more curious,” he added, touching her cheeks, “c’mon, spill it.”

Lily looked at his hazel eyes. He was smiling lazily, like he was perfectly content in his position. She wished he felt like that, because few things would have been successful in making her move. He pulled her hair slightly, prompting her to talk.

Lily sighed.

“He said I should give you a snog for your birthday,” she admitted, “but he was just kidding.”

Lily watched James’s reaction: his eyebrows shot up quite admirably, and his smile diminished.

“Hm,” he pondered.

“What?” Lily whispered.

“He might have been right,” James admitted. Lily could feel her heart galloping away, any sense of self-preservation long gone.

_Oh, dear Merlin_.

“Really?” She asked, biting her lower lip. She noticed James’s eyes following the movement.

“Well, I can’t really say,” he replied slowly, “guess you’re gonna have to snog me to be sure.”

Lily grinned immediately.

“That’s how you flirt?” She asked as he groaned. “No wonder you can’t get free drinks!”

“It was smooth, Evans, admit it,” he demanded. Lily grinned.

“Well, it was. No idea how that bartender resisted you,” she told him, patting his head pitifully.

James rolled his eyes.

“I don’t even know why I bother,” he complained, “had you asked me before, I’d’ve told you Sirius was right.”

Lily raised an eyebrow.

“I thought I needed to snog you to be sure?” She asked. James shrugged.

“Guess I’m almost positive,” he muttered, “it’s my birthday. Don’t I deserve a snog?”

Lily eyed him.

“You’re not drunk, are you?”

“If I were, this whole talk would’ve sobered me up,” he admitted, “what bad a _single_ snog can make, Evans? Honestly?”

Lily hesitated.

“Just _promise_ me it’s got nothing to do with the blood thing,” she asked. James frowned.

“It doesn’t. It never did for me,” he assured her.

“One snog,” she warned him, taking her head off the couch. She saw his Adam’s apple bobbing – could he be as nervous as she was?

“That’s all I ask,” he whispered, cradling her face.

When their lips touched, Lily forget about her warning. She forgot that maybe she shouldn’t be doing this, or at least not on his couch with two of his mates passed out on the floor.

She forgot everything, except the feel of James.

It was _easy_ , even, to ignore the whole world when James had one hand on her hair and the other on her waist, or when she felt his toned arms beneath her touch.

It was _supposed_ to be one snog, but who can actually count snogs, really?

Also: they hadn’t said anything about her straddling him, so it was okay. No problem in taking his shirt off either. It was just getting in the way.

And she didn’t mind _at all_ his hands on her waist, slowly – achingly – making his way down to her arse and pulling her closer to him.

He didn’t seem too upset about her nails scrapping his back, or the heated kisses she left on his neck, if his appreciation sounds could be taken seriously (judging by the budge on his pants, they could be taken very seriously).

When they parted, panting, they stared at each other.

“ _Never_ for the blood,” James assured her again warmly, caressing her cheek with all the care in the world. Lily felt cherished and loved, and she found herself believing his every word. “Just for you, Lily.”

Lily smiled, joining their lips briefly.

“I know that now,” she told him.

“Good. I’ll keep making you aware of that,” he warned her. Lily kissed him once again.

“Sirius had another suggestion,” she added, still straddling him and moving a bit for emphasis. James raised an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“But only if I was feeling _very_ generous,” she added.

“Are you?”

“More than that,” she admitted.

“Ok, then. I’m ready,” he said. Lily grinned.

“Not _here_. Don’t you have a room or something?” She scoffed. “Or you wouldn’t mind having Sirius as a voyeur?”

She had barely finished talking and James was already up, carrying her down the corridor while she tried to control her laughter.

And _no_ , she didn’t know it would happen like this. Not with her actually falling in love with the ponce, or have him fall for her before he knew of their link. She knew with all of her heart that someday James would find out they were soulmates and let out the bloody secret.

But it really didn’t matter much, because she was certain that the only hazel that made her stay was on James’s eyes.


End file.
